Animal control helps 'drunk' raccoon that rampaged through liquor store and passed out in bathroom

Raccoons are rapscallions—nocturnal mischief-makers that you might find rummaging around in your garbage or, given their nimble five-digit hands, turning doorknobs. If you Google "funny raccoon stories," you’ll find a seemingly endless supply of enjoyable anecdotes. But none hold a candle to this one: Returning to work after a Thanksgiving break, staff at a liquor store in Ashland, Virginia were shocked to discover that a trash panda had broken into the establishment, ransacked some of their supply, and ultimately passed out in the bathroom—conveniently between the waste bin and the toilet. Luckily, though, thanks to the hard work of local animal control, the hangover was short-lived.

But first…just like a raccoon rummaging through your overgrown yard, we have to get into the weeds. The store in question is reportedly Ashland’s state-run ABC (or "Alcoholic Beverage Control" ) location, who told NBC News that the critter dropped inside through the ceiling and rummaged around, causing $250 in damages. (There were 14 bottles in total, covering rum, scotch, peanut butter whiskey, moonshine, and eggnog.) When security arrived to scope out the scene, they weren’t quite expecting to find a splayed-out (and, reportedly, "drunk") raccoon.

Jeffrey Parker, chief of Animal Protection for the shelter, elaborated to NBC News about the raccoon’s state when the officer initially arrived. "Just looking at this raccoon being so lethargic laying there—the officer stated the eyes were moving back and forth," Parker said. "Telltale signs that he’s probably [done] a little drinking. [Laughs.] [He] more than likely [would have failed a field-sobriety test]. The officer said she had no problem picking the raccoon up."

Hanover County Animal Protection and Shelter broke the story in a now-viral Facebook post, playfully describing the situation as a "Black Friday break-in" with the "suspect apprehended after liquor-fueled rampage." They gave credit to their own Officer Martin, who safely secured the "very intoxicated" little guy and got him to safety. "After a few hours of sleep and zero signs of injury (other than maybe a hangover and poor life choices), he was safely released back to the wild, hopefully having learned that breaking and entering is not the answer," they wrote. "A big shout-out to Officer Martin for handling this chaotic scene with professionalism and good humor. Just another day in the life at Hanover Animal Protection!"

There's another fun element to this story: The shelter is now selling "Trashed Panda" T-shirts and hoodies to support "shelter animal care and enrichment, field officer training, and equipment needed to ensure safe and humane response to wildlife calls, including the ones who occasionally party a little too hard."

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